2018 World Cup: if Account Opening teams played football

With the 2018 World Cup upon us, let’s talk about account opening in football terms.  After all, England manager, Gareth Southgate, insists the England squad has no limits and with new margin rules in 2019/2020 meaning a massive increase in account opening volumes, Team Account Opening will need a motivational manager. Southgate is encouraging his team to ‘dream and embrace the challenge that lies ahead.’ So, with the sky the limit for England, why not Team Account Opening?

A team’s fitness level is key to success. Team Account Opening can probably be fairly assessed as ‘jaded’. Think of it as long-term fatigue with little hope for respite. The World Cup is a mere eight week physical and mental slog. The onboarding hamster wheel, by comparison, never stops. Team Account Opening might not be that fast, but, like most underdog teams, it keeps on plugging away.

Now to the formation – England has largely played the 3-5-2 formation in the run up to the World Cup. This becomes more of a 3-3-3-1 during the attacking phase. This system gives teams control in the midfield and allows for more creativity. It is also allows more players to get into scoring positions.

Team Account Opening’s formation was more likely formed under Sven back in 2002. At the time, this got England to the quarter finals against Brazil. Fast forward to 2018 and it is like they have the same squad, just twenty years older - lots of legacy and a definitive lack of options on the subs bench as players have been retired. Team tactics are now more tiki-taka than 4-4-2. Tiki-taka is essentially passing the ball a lot within little triangles of players on the pitch. A constant back and forth. Account teams can do this for weeks let alone a mere 90 minutes.

Every formation has its upsides and downsides. The 4-4-2 is built for counter attack but one of its greatest weaknesses is the lack of control over the game. This is because, when faced with a three-man midfield, it is difficult for a 4-4-2 team to take control. Such teams are therefore usually the hardest working. This is certainly true of our account opening teams. Team Account Opening also suffers from lack of control and poor communication (think transparency). Instead, team tactics focus on individual plays, no visibility or tracking, typically leading to gaps in play. Team Account Opening also has lots of loan players from tax, agents, KYC and so on, making it a very patchy team.

England set pieces plagued Hodgson, England’s last manager, and drew a lot of ‘carefully constructed’ criticism from fans. We had Cornergate when 6’2” Harry Kane, one of the team’s pivotal players and now England Captain, was taking corners and freekicks. Things have now turned around and we have Trippier, England’s man from the dead-ball.

Team Account Opening meanwhile are stuck playing the same set pieces. They are very hands on, too hands on. Their set pieces definitely need challenging and transforming. Data needs to be pre-populated and automation needs to be at the heart of those set pieces.

Now to penalties. We can’t write a piece talking about England and big tournaments like the World Cup without mentioning penalties. A bit of back story for those not in the know, England have exited six tournaments in penalty shootouts dating back to 1990 – the worst record of any major football nation. England fans remain ever hopeful though and are praying Southgate’s own haunting penalty experience as an England footballer means we are in better shape for this tournament. 

Scoring penalties is all about not making errors. Czechoslovakia, not Germany, is the competing nation in Russia 2018 with the best record in tournament shootouts – an incredible 20 out of 20. Team Account Opening is probably closer to England’s performance though with its constant back and forthing, rekeying and checking.

With limited resources, lots of pressure from the Client and Front Office spectators and little clout with the Board, Team Account Opening have been last in line when it comes to the transfer window for far too long. It’s time to get the squad in shape ahead of the big playoff in 2019/2020. Team Account Opening needs more players on board, more automation and to take a fresh look at its formations and set pieces.

After all, we can’t have the Client spectators dreading account opening like it’s an England penalty shootout each time.